I can feel you judging me through the phone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
