Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
