So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
