Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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