Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
