Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
