When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
