Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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