in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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