We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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