Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
