Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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