His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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