Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize