she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
