I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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