nut hugger
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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