I hate your face
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
