If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
