Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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