If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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