and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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