The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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