Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
