I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
