i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the condom got lost in my hair
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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