Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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