I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
