Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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