I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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