I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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