You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
