I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
