You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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