God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
