i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
