Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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