Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
