Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
jump out the window naked night went bad
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
