The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
