i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
