It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
