I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize