The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
