I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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