Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
