I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
