The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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