I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i came on her dog
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
