I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
