I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
