he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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