Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
