guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
