And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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