Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
