I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
