Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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