If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
3pm strippers are depressing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize