we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
