iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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