12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
