Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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