Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
