first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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