My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
