I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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