Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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