yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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