i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
