Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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