I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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