Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
