the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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