you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
