I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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