worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
