There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
