a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
