wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
