She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he fucked my hip out of place.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
