Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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