its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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