FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
