no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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