Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize