He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
