god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
