I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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