i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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