if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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