My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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