Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
