all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize