Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
