she looked like the bat from fern gully.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
