You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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