you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
