her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
