I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
