i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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